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(no subject) [10January2008|06:51 pm]
nowatlastiknow
oh what a grave contrast.
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(no subject) [18December2007|09:00 pm]
nowatlastiknow
I'm finally allowing myself to let go;
It all is floating away.
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(no subject) [13December2007|07:48 pm]
nowatlastiknow
Oh, this lucidity is killing me.
This haze drifting over my body is making me weak at the knees.
Rush of blood; my head spins.
I want out; I want out.

I can't escape; I won't escape
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We're going to be sinkin' soon. [02December2007|01:47 pm]
nowatlastiknow
Sometimes I wish I could intentionally be immature, but I know well enough to not drop down to that level. 
His attempts to hurt me fail.  However, I find it insulting that he thinks I would become jealous or angry over his remarks. 
It angers me that he is so immature, and that I originally fell for that.  Hell, that I was in love with that.
Here I am, another month older, and I guess, the bright side he is one more man down, and there are plenty more to go. 
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What Do You Have To Say? - Public Transit Nightmare [28November2007|09:40 pm]
nowatlastiknow
[Tags|, , ]

What has been your worst experience on public transit?
This summer I spent four weeks doing an exchange student program in France, and I immediately fell in love with the efficient public transportation system (where I live there is none).  I felt so European taking the bus into the city and then taking the subway.  One day while I was sitting next to an old lady, a group of loud, obnoxious Americans boarded the bus I was riding.  Of course, they were loud and fell into the stereotypes of Americans.  The old lady turned to me with a look of disgust, and mumbled a rude comment about Americans.  I turned bright red, and just said "oh! oui, je sais".  And in that moment, the woman heard my very prevalent American accent, and rambled so quickly in French that I could not understand a word.
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(no subject) [23November2007|11:58 pm]
nowatlastiknow
What I need more than anything is a big, giant rant.
Actually, what I need more is a bottle of chardonnay and sedatives.
But I know that in these circumstances of being a complete emotional wreck, those would destroy me worst than I am to begin with.

First to start off, let me say that I just worked 12 hours straight, standing up, and that I have not slept well in days, so I am writing out of delirium.  Second of all, I am fucking hormonal as hell.  Third of all, my house is like a war zone with my mother's petty arguments.  

God, I'm an emotional wreck, and I know it's because I'm too tired.  I just can't stop crying, and I hate this feeling of having no one to talk to, so that's why I'm desperately writing here.  Just at times, my whole life unravels at once.  I feel like I have been completely stripped and the world walks by me, but I can not move. 

I have never been consumed by anger like this before.  I have never been an angry person, but my god, I am about to explode.
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(no subject) [21November2007|09:47 pm]
nowatlastiknow
Screw you for judging me when you've had your share of irrational decisions.
I did what I could do, and I don't care what you have to say about it.
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Writer's Block: Giving Thanks [19November2007|03:27 pm]
nowatlastiknow
[Tags|, , ]

What are 10 things you are thankful for?
1) I am thankful for the liberal conversations my father and I had in the car when I was growing up; they've always made me think, even if it sparked some feuds between my father's and my conflicting opinions. 
2) I am thankful for that crazy mother and that lovely dinner she always puts on the table every night, and her predictable answer, "food" when I always ask her "what's for dinner?"
3) I'm thankful for my father and all the menstrual abuse he takes from me, and the menopausal abuse from my mother.  His lame humor makes me laugh and serves as a reminder that my humor is just as lame.
4) I'm thankful for that beautiful language which has become my passion.  French has been the only thing that I've loved so much.
5) I'm thankful for coffee and the way it warms me up in this frigid weather.  It is the only thing that will make me focus.
6)I am thankful for those hugs my friends give me while my eyes are filling up with tears, which is almost every other day. 
7) I am thankful for that pitiful and adorable dog who is happy to see me no matter what. 
8) I am thankful for my president, for he always gives me an excuse to laugh.
9) I am thankful for tampons.  I'm sorry for any stranger or perhaps relative reading this, but I really am thankful for them.
10) I am thankful for the way he makes me smile and giggle like a little school girl.
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(no subject) [15November2007|10:04 pm]
nowatlastiknow
I don't know why but my fears have been quelled.
I just feel so much more free, and at rest.
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(no subject) [12November2007|11:08 am]
nowatlastiknow
love just like blood, will always stain
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